Maintaining a healthy pale glow

The upcoming Memorial Day weekend is considered the unofficial start of summer. And in case you were worried that I wasn’t fully prepared for my first summer – I’m sure it’s been eating away at you – fear not. I’m all set.

Now, considering my parents both have skin types that fall somewhere on the spectrum between “pasty white” and “clear,” I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I’m doomed to a life of pale skin that will burn under any light stronger than a 40-watt bulb. You know that classic English rock song, “A Whiter Shade of Pale,” by Procol Harum? No? Well, anyway, that’s the Rose family in a nutshell. Mom and Dad know this, which is why I never go outside without taking proper precautions – hat, sunscreen, etc.

In the past few weeks, Mom and Dad have kicked it up a notch, stocking up on everything else necessary for me to safely enjoy those 65-degree, overcast Seattle summer days. First, there’s our new pool – an inflatable crab monstrosity that can be connected to a hose, creating a delightful little fountain. And, of course, it features a large sun-blocking canopy. We don’t have any great photos of it, so here’s one from the manufacturer. Horrifying, right?

Then there’s the sun tent, which can be conveniently brought to a back yard or the beach, and big enough to keep the entire Osmond family safe from the sun’s evil rays. It’s the only reason I was allowed outside with nothing but a diaper on:

And finally, there’s my new swimsuit. No fancy bikinis for this girl. This thing not only has long sleeves, but it’s also got a hood. And the hood has bear ears, because why not. The only way I’d have more coverage is if I was wearing a wetsuit. This style is going to be all the rage this season. At least, that’s what Mom keeps trying to convince me.

 At the very least, I look better in it than Dad does.

(By the way, in case you couldn't tell, the surest way to make a fortune in the world today is to develop some fancy new baby product, because every parent on earth will eventually convince themselves that it’s 100 percent necessary.)

We tried all this new gear out when we spent Mother’s Day in Redmond at YaYa and Grandpa’s house, and it was a complete success. Here I am in the pool with my cousin Brooklyn.

So now we know that I’ll be in good hands over the next few days, because tomorrow morning, Mom, Dad and I will be heading east to Lake Chelan for a long holiday weekend with Mom’s family. Can’t wait!