Despite every effort, I came to the unfortunate
conclusion that I was, in fact, related to the man, and I’m slowly coming to
terms with it. But in my day-to-day activities, I still can’t help encountering
other people who are suspiciously similar to me in appearance. Since I’ve
established that my dad is my dad (and I know from harrowing
experience that my mom is my mom), that leaves only one other theory:
I have another sibling, and we were separated at birth.
So, just like last year, I conducted an extremely
scientific Google Image search to find out, once and for all, if I have any
long-lost siblings floating around in the world. After weeks (OK, minutes) of
painstaking research, I’ve narrowed the list of possibilities to 10. I recommend clicking the photos for bigger versions, so you can really see the similarities.
Conan O'Brien
Any one of the Three Amigos
A gorilla
Elliott from E.T.
R5-D4 from Star Wars
Gerald Ford
World's Strongest Man competitor
Those weird-looking people from that weird Twilight Zone episode
It was about 15
months ago that I provided a running diary describing the trials and tribulations
of the first time I was left alone with my dad. Give it a quick read and enjoy
the innocence. Imagine a time when it was a big deal that Dad had to watch me
for three whole hours. Also, I was an
adorable newborn.
Why am I bringing this up? Because Mom went out of town
for the weekend, leaving Dad in charge. It’s just him and me for two full days –
and that’s not including Monday morning when he’ll be pulling double duty, getting
me ready for daycare while he’s also getting ready for work.
To show just how far we’ve both come since November 2011,
I’m providing another running diary of our time together. Will Dad survive the
ordeal? Will we manage to leave the house? Will I spend the entire weekend in
one outfit? Read on and find out.
Saturday
8 a.m. I wake
up and quickly let Dad know. He’s already up, so he warms up some milk for me
for a pre-breakfast snack. After that, breakfast today consists of an egg, grapes
and Cheerios.
9:30 a.m. Playtime
in the living room. This includes a fun game of hide-and-seek. I haven’t really
gotten the hiding part down yet, but I’m learning.
11 a.m. We
leave to go to Target, where Dad buys the Star Wars trilogy on Blu-Ray, which
he allegedly will try to watch during his “free time” over the weekend. Excuse
me while I laugh. We then stop next door at Barnes & Noble, where he buys
me a new book. Now I feel bad for laughing at him.
12:45 p.m. Nap
time!
3 p.m. After
more than two hours of napping [Editor’s
note: Hooray! Watched Episode IV in its entirety, although I skipped over the
trash compactor scene], I’m up and ready to roll. Dad makes me a late lunch
of white chicken chili mixed with elbow macaroni. It looks like fake vomit (of
course, so does most of the stuff that I eat), but it’s actually pretty tasty,
so I gobble it down.
3:45 p.m. We
head south to Tukwila to watch my cousin Maddie’s indoor soccer game. I get an
up-close look as she makes a few great saves, and her team wins 3-2.
5:45 p.m. Back
home in time for dinner (more of the chili-macaroni mixture, and a banana),
which I again devour.
6:45 p.m.
After some playtime, it’s time for a bath. I splash around with my boats while
dad futilely tries to shampoo my hair, which has become crusted with chili.
7:30 p.m. Bath’s
done, diaper’s changed, PJs are on – it’s bedtime, folks.
Sunday
9 a.m. I sleep
in! Dad rejoices.
9:30 a.m.
Breakfast today is another egg, followed by Cream of Wheat.
10 a.m. Not
ready for a fast-paced day, I curl up in a comfy chair with a good book.
10:03 a.m. OK,
enough of that. Let’s party! My new favorite thing to do is to climb onto the
ottoman and then get a few good jumps in before Mom or Dad swoops in to grab
me. They enjoy this a lot less than I do, and Dad puts the kibosh on it quickly
this morning.
10:45 a.m. We
hop in the car and head to Camp Long, a park near our house. It’s one of my
favorite places to go on walks with Dad, with acres and acres of wilderness
right in the middle of West Seattle. There’s nobody here today, so I have the
entire grassy area in the middle all to myself to run around.
12:30 p.m. We
get home, and I’m ready for a nap.
2 p.m. I’m up
and lunch is already waiting for me. What service! Today it’s string cheese,
cold chicken and an apple-squash mixture. We then cuddle on the couch and read a few books before I get bored and decide to run around.
4 p.m. We’re
out the door again, this time to Bellevue Square, which has an indoor kids’ playground.
Known as Kids’ Cove, it’s pretty much like Thunderdome, if Thunderdome had a
bunch of slides, big plastic boats and an area for parking strollers.
Seriously, it’s dog-eat-dog there. I found this photo online, but it doesn’t
accurately portray the madness.
When we were there, there were probably three
times as many kids out there. At one point, I may or may not have pushed one of
them off of the big ferry. Sorry, kid. Welcome to the real world.
5:30 p.m. We’re
headed back to West Seattle, but not before Dad has to change a VERY poopy
diaper in the back of our car. Sorry, Dad. Welcome to the real world.
6 p.m. We’re
back home, where Dad makes me a dinner of tortellini with meat sauce, with some
green beans on the side. I eat exactly one green bean, so dad improvises and
cuts me up a few grapes.
6:45 p.m. One
final round of playtime. You know, I’m starting to get the feeling that Dad
took me to all these active places today just so he could tire me out and I’d
sleep better. Dude is diabolical, but I guess he knows what he’s doing. I’m
exhausted.
7:30 p.m. Bedtime.
[Editor’s note: Eliza
wasn’t the only one who got worn out. Dad’s bedtime? 9:15 p.m.]
Monday
7 a.m. I wake
up. Dad comes in, changes my diaper and I down some milk.
7:20 a.m. I
poop in the freshly changed diaper. Dad swears.
7:25 a.m. New
diaper, then Dad dresses me for daycare, and we’re out the door at 7:35.
7:50 a.m. Dad
drops me off at day care, and for the first time since Friday at 5:30 p.m. (62
hours and 20 minutes, if you’re counting), he is officially not responsible for
my well-being.
Mom won’t get home tonight until after I’ve gone to bed,
so it’ll be just Dad and me again this evening. And that’s OK. We had a fun
weekend together, and Dad proved he’s not as clueless as he often appears. Now,
if he’d just let me jump on that ottoman...
