Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

If there’s one constant in a baby’s life, it’s being told repeatedly how adorable you are. On the certainty scale, it’s right up there with death, taxes and Greg Oden’s bad knees.

Make no mistake, of course – I love hearing it. And I don’t disagree. I’m pretty cute. But every time I hear it, it gets me thinking. Sure, I get plenty of my good looks from my mom, but what about my dad? I mean, there’s no way that this guy…

…could produce a good-looking child, right? Right. And I’m a good-looking child; ergo, this man can’t be my father.

About a month-and-a-half ago, I pointed out my physical similarities to one Tom Brady, at least in the chin department.

Could he be my real father? Perhaps. But before I go slapping him with a paternity suit in the middle of the playoffs, I thought I’d do some research and exhaust all possibilities of who my father might be. And I can’t imagine a more scientific way than using Google Image Search to find people who bear a passing resemblance to me.

Let’s begin!

Randy from "A Christmas Story"

Moses

The Dormouse from "Alice in Wonderland," due to my skill for being able to fall asleep anytime, anywhere

The Elf on the Shelf

John Lennon

Anybody who's ever competed in a potato sack race

Gene Simmons

E.T.

Major Toht from "Raiders of the Lost Ark"

You know, now that I think about it, I can’t imagine any other person, besides my dad, who would waste an entire evening searching the Internet for these photos like I just did. So maybe there really are some similarities between the two of us. And, after all, I do have his nose. And his chin. And his eyes. And his ears. And his freaky-long toes. Yeah, I think I’ll stick with him.