Bite me

In terms of genetics, I’ve received a lot from my dad. On top of our many shared personality quirks, I also have his blue eyes, his cleft chin, and the same long toes that make us both look like poster children for the theory that humans evolved from apes.

These are all things that I’ve known about – and have come to terms with – for some time now. But a few months ago, I found out that Dad passed another genetic trait to me: the Rose teeth. Turns out, certain members of the Rose family have – and I say this as gently as possible – freakishly large front teeth (Mom calls them Chiclet Teeth).

Dad has them. His brother Jason has them. Their dad (my Grandpa) has them. And now I have them.

Now, it’s not a big deal. In fact, these teeth will probably prove pretty advantageous at some point – I pity the poor corn cob that dares get in the way of my mouth once it’s fully armed and operational. But when you’re just a few months old and those giant hunks of enamel start erupting from your gums, it’s not fun.

Unfortunately for Mom and Dad, I’ve passed that misery on to them, crying like…well, a baby every time a new one started to sprout. Essentially, I’d be in pain for a couple of days as each tooth tried to push through. That meant a few rough nights where I’d wake up and need to be soothed with a cold binky or some other refrigerated chew toy. (Luckily, once they fully break the surface, the pain is much more manageable.) 

Because of those handfuls of sleep-deprived nights, Dad is fond of saying that, considering how awful teething is for parents to deal with, he can’t imagine how tough it is on the kids. He’s exactly right.

As of now, less than a week shy of my first birthday, I’ve got six teeth (four up top, two on the bottom) that have come through completely. But as we speak, there are two more coming through up top, and two more coming through on the bottom. Which means I’m pretty miserable. And, as a special bonus, teething also causes uncontrollable drooling, so not only am I in pain, but I constantly look like I’ve been walking in a monsoon.

So thanks for causing me so much pain, Dad. And you wonder why I bite you every chance I get.