Avoiding the Two-Month Uglies

Occasionally, my mom uses a phrase she calls "The Two-Month Uglies." Apparently it's her theory that, due to some strange glitch in the developmental process, babies start looking a little weird after two months of life. This lasts for about a month, and then they get back to their normal cute selves.

So why am I telling you this? Well, yesterday I officially turned three months old. That means I'm now safely out of Two-Month Ugly territory. And looking back on the past month, I consider myself pretty fortunate, seeing as I never suffered from this terrible affliction. I bucked the odds and looked adorable throughout the entire month, never once looking ugly.

Nope. Not a single goofy-looking photo of me exists. Guess I was one of the lucky ones.

Nobody told me there'd be snow

I've seen a lot of things in my life. Well, actually, I haven't. I'm not even three months old yet. But I still consider myself somewhat worldly. Despite that, I had no idea what snow was until Sunday morning, when several inches fell in Seattle. Dad, always an Eastern Washington boy at heart, was super excited. I found it interesting for all of about 10 seconds.

After that? Not so much.

We're supposed to get as much as 10 more inches tomorrow. Maybe it'll grow on me.

Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

If there’s one constant in a baby’s life, it’s being told repeatedly how adorable you are. On the certainty scale, it’s right up there with death, taxes and Greg Oden’s bad knees.

Make no mistake, of course – I love hearing it. And I don’t disagree. I’m pretty cute. But every time I hear it, it gets me thinking. Sure, I get plenty of my good looks from my mom, but what about my dad? I mean, there’s no way that this guy…

…could produce a good-looking child, right? Right. And I’m a good-looking child; ergo, this man can’t be my father.

About a month-and-a-half ago, I pointed out my physical similarities to one Tom Brady, at least in the chin department.

Could he be my real father? Perhaps. But before I go slapping him with a paternity suit in the middle of the playoffs, I thought I’d do some research and exhaust all possibilities of who my father might be. And I can’t imagine a more scientific way than using Google Image Search to find people who bear a passing resemblance to me.

Let’s begin!

Randy from "A Christmas Story"

Moses

The Dormouse from "Alice in Wonderland," due to my skill for being able to fall asleep anytime, anywhere

The Elf on the Shelf

John Lennon

Anybody who's ever competed in a potato sack race

Gene Simmons

E.T.

Major Toht from "Raiders of the Lost Ark"

You know, now that I think about it, I can’t imagine any other person, besides my dad, who would waste an entire evening searching the Internet for these photos like I just did. So maybe there really are some similarities between the two of us. And, after all, I do have his nose. And his chin. And his eyes. And his ears. And his freaky-long toes. Yeah, I think I’ll stick with him.