Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to the best mom in the world. Thanks for being zany.

Does this mean I have to share my toys?

By now, most of you have heard the “joyous” news. My days of being an only child are numbered. I’m going to have a little brother or sister. A couple of weeks ago, Mom and Dad sat me down to have a talk with me. No, not THAT talk, but regardless, I walked away from this one just as shaken.

What did this “talk” consist of? Well, I was playing with my toys after getting home from daycare when Mom and Dad called me over to the couch. Dad pulled me onto his lap, and they then pointed to Mom’s belly and said, “Guess what, Eliza! There’s a baby in there! You’re going to be a big sister!” Unimpressed, I wriggled out of Dad’s grip and went back to my blocks.

But as I sat there, it slowly dawned on me – I’m being replaced! My parents are tired of me, so they’re trading me in for a newer model. Tell me the truth, Mom and Dad! I know you’ve never forgiven me for that time I pooped in the bathtub. Or for when I threw up in Dad’s eye.

[Editor’s note: This couldn’t be further from the truth. We’re having another baby because the first one has been so much fun that we decided we wanted more. Then again, having a baby puke in your eye isn’t that great.]

Seeing as speaking in complete sentences isn’t exactly my forte yet, there’s nothing I can do to get them to reconsider, so I guess I’m going to be forced to deal with this. But on the bright side, soon I’ll have somebody to blame when food gets thrown on the floor, not to mention someone to torment mercilessly.

Easy target.

Whether I like it or not, this new little bundle of joy is due to ruin my life join the family on Sept. 20. If you’ll recall, I was considerate enough to be born on my exact due date. We’ll see if this little usurper will be as polite as I was.

[Final editor’s note: Eliza is actually quite excited about the prospect of being a big sister. Or, at least, as excited as she can be about something that’s not food, dancing or fart noises.]

Tale of the tape: 18 months

On a recent weekend morning, I was walking from the dining room to the living room, holding a graham cracker in my hand and just minding my business. From behind me, Dad called my name from the kitchen and I turned to him as I kept on walking. But because I suddenly wasn’t watching where I was going, I walked straight into the ottoman, knocked myself off balance and fell on my butt, tragically breaking my graham cracker. It wasn’t one of my prouder moments, although Dad seemed highly entertained by it.

Why am I telling you this? Well, last week I visited Dr. Lindsay for my 18-month checkup. And you’d think that since I’m officially halfway between my first and second birthdays, I would’ve outgrown stupid pratfalls like this by now. [Editor’s note: Sorry, kid. If you’re related to me, it’s going to last for at least another 30 years.]

Well, now that we’ve established that my senses of “balance” and “not doing idiotic things” aren’t developing as quickly as they should, what about the rest of me? Read on for my latest round of measurements.

Birth weight: 7 pounds, 7.6 ounces

6-month weight: 17 pounds, 6 ounces.

9-month weight: 20 pounds, 3 ounces.
1-year weight: 22 pounds, 8 ounces.

15-month weight: 23 pounds, 3 ounces.

18-month weight: 25 pounds, 3.2 ounces (69th percentile).

Birth length: 20.25 inches.

6-month height: 26.5 inches.

9-month height: 28.5 inches.
1-year height: 29.5 inches.

15-month height: 31 inches.

18-month height: 32.25 inches (81st percentile).

Birth head circumference: Not available.

6-month head circumference: 43.5 centimeters.

9-month head circumference: 45.1 centimeters.
1-year head circumference: 46.4 centimeters.

15-month head circumference:  46.9 centimeters.

18-month head circumference: 47.9 centimeters (88th percentile!).

So even though I’m constantly an “America’s Funniest Home Videos” clip waiting to happen, I seem to be developing well enough physically. In fact, I’m sprouting so much that I’ve just about outgrown my first pair of real shoes (the middle pair in the above photo), which I’ve worn to day care every single day for the past four-plus months. What a moment! Maybe I can convince Mom and Dad to bronze them and each wear one as a pendant on a necklace. I’ve seen stranger things.

Island Time

Aloha, friends! It’s been two days since Mom, Dad and I got back from our weeklong vacation to Hawaii with Mom’s family.

We rented a house in the quiet Kauai village of Poipu, which proved to be the perfect location. We had quick walking access to the beach at the Grand Hyatt resort, and we were also within a short drive of several other great beaches. This gave the whole family plenty of opportunities to snorkel, paddle board, swim in the ocean, play on the beach, or just relax by the pool.

On our way to the beach!

To give you a general description of how our vacation went, I figured I’d offer up a few random thoughts from the week in Hawaii, along with a handful of photos. So here goes…

▲ I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “Island Time.” It was coined to describe the care-free attitude of a Hawaiian vacation, where you do things at your own pace, when you want to do them, without any consideration of the actual time. And for me, it seems that Island Time meant waking up at 5:30 a.m. every morning, happy and ready to face the day. Needless to say, Mom and Dad weren’t necessarily fans of my definition, and they took turns getting up with me each morning.

▲ I’ve always known my grandparents (Ya-Ya and Grumps) were great, but they definitely outdid themselves on this trip. Virtually every afternoon, once I went down for my nap, they sent my parents out of the house so Mom and Dad could have some time to themselves. Several other times, they also kicked them out in the evening so Mom and Dad could remember what it’s like to eat dinner without a shrieking toddler happily throwing blueberries at them. As a result, Mom and Dad were able to have some fun lunches and dinners with my Auntie Amy and Uncle Ben. [Editor's note: Puka Dog and Paco's Tacos are both excellent.]

▲ There’s comedy, there’s high comedy, there’s transcendent comedy, and then there’s a baby wearing a swimsuit that covers everything except her hands and feet. You thought last year’s swimsuit left a lot to the imagination? Check this out:

 

It’s a good thing that babies don’t understand the concept of embarrassment, or else the laughs I got from other beachgoers would be enough to keep me in therapy through my 18th birthday. (Speaking of which, I'm also fairly certain that Dad would love to keep me in similar swimsuits through my 18th birthday.) But on the plus side, I didn’t get even a hint of a sunburn, and Mom and Dad loved the fact that they only had to apply sunblock to my face, hands and feet. That’s a good thing, because trying to apply sunblock to me is like trying to give a massage to an octopus.

▲ Easter in Hawaii is similar to Easter on the mainland – as long as you have a yard and some eggs, you’re going to have a good time. Here’s me with my cousins Brooklyn and Jackson, showing off our haul.

I'm pretty sure I tried to steal some of Brooklyn's eggs right after this photo was taken.

Easter also meant that Auntie Amy and Uncle Ben made breakfast for everybody: banana and macadamia nut pancakes, including specially shaped ones for my cousins and me. Here’s mine:

▲ Speaking of Brooklyn and Jackson, I have to give them a ton of credit for putting up with my 17-month-old selfishness. These days, my favorite word to say is “mine,” even when the object in question is not, in fact, mine. They were always nice enough to humor me (thanks to some heroic coaching by my Auntie Sarah and Uncle P.J.), but Mom and Dad tell me that my comeuppance is coming quite soon. Still, I got along great with the two of them – especially Brooklyn, who shares my taste in Hawaiian attire.

As you can tell from my face, I'm quite concerned about the rising tensions in North Korea.

 That concern disappears instantly as soon as I see a tiny waterfall.

▲ Turns out that a six-hour flight across the ocean with a toddler is miserable. I did just fine on the flight over to Hawaii, but the flight home was another story. Once again, Ya-Ya and Grumps came to the rescue, calming me down so Mom and Dad (and the beleaguered passengers sitting near them) could have a few moments of peace. Grandparents are also a lot of fun to bring along to the beach.

"Look at that skinny guy out in the water!"

▲ Mom and Dad were nice enough to check my suitcase for our flights so I wouldn’t have to carry it around. Good thing, too, since it was three times my size. I still got to pretend I was a frequent flier when I pulled Jackson’s carry-on bag around the terminal.

"Out of the way, I'm late for my flight!"

A few more photos from the week, just for good measure:

Touching down on Kauai after a short flight from Honolulu.
Dad hummed the theme song from "Jurassic Park" during the approach. Dad is a nerd.

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone!"

In keeping with the "mine" theme of the vacation, I temporarily stole Brooklyn's hat.
In my defense, I do look quite good in it.

Behold! The one rare shot of me at the beach where I'm not completely covered in clothing.
This outfit lasted all of 5 minutes before Mom and Dad decided I'd had enough sun and put me in that stupid suit.

Stretching my pudgy little legs.